“Hammer It Home”

Posted: July 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

My daughter just turned five.  That means she will be entering the world of Kindergaten.  My wife had lots of opinions about what is right for our daughter.  My wife has been around many children of all different kinds of backgrounds and because of this and the fact that she taught in the public school system for a few years, I agreed with her point of view.  We decided to enroll our daughter into a charter school.  A friend of mine who has a child the same age has decided to school their child in-home.  I thought this would be a great option for us being my wife is a teacher.  After weighing everything out, I believe we made the right chice and home schooling was not right for us.  Home schooling is not bad, it is just not right for all families, and didn’t seem to be right for our family.

So with my daughter entering the graces of other teachers and students of all different backgrounds, I found the most important thing for my wife and I this summer is to “hammer it home.”  By this I mean our values.  My daughter will be having more and more outside influences and needs to know what our family is about.  She will have to understand that because one child does something, it doesn’t mean it is right for her.  Our family beliefs and values have to ring in her ears everything she goes to school.  She has to know what is right from wrong based on what we have taught her.

When she does start coming home from school, we  as her parents have to be ready to answer questions.  We have to anticipate what she will ask and have answers ready, and relate them back to our values.  Most important we have to take the time to talk with her and help her work things out in her mind.  Taking that time and understanding her and who she is becoming will pay off greatly in the future.  We as her parents need to help her identify who she is, who her family is and what is right.

If you have children who have not yet entered school have you “hammered it home?”

Keep in mind that just because your child has not entered school, or is home schooled that they still have outside influences.  When they do enter school those influences will just be greatly multiplied.

Have you weighed you options?  What conversations have you had with your children lately?  Do you feel they know your values?

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Starved for Attention?

Posted: May 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

So earlier today I saw a post on Facebook that said, “Is it just me or is anyone amazed that Arnold’s baby mama is older an unattractive?”  I didn’t comment on it, but it did get me thinking.  Yeah maybe she was unattractive, but was she able to provide him with the attention he needed or wanted and maybe that is why things went further than they should have?

Constantly the lives of hollywood stars and public officials are displayed out in newspapers, tabloids, and television.  It seems almost weekly we here of a new hollywood split and too often than not it is because infidelity.  Again what is the reason for these acts I ponder.  What could possibly drive them to hurt the people they love most, or should love most?  I imagine Arnold and Maria’s marriage as tough being as they both have rather demanding careers.  I imagined Arnold as having too much time without Maria by his side and starved for attention so he went looking for some one to give him that attention.  Whether this is true or not one can only speculate.  And there is no excuse for his actions, I am not taking any side on this.  I am just getting the wheels turning and creating thoughts for you and I. And  I don’t bring up people to criticize them or say that I could do better, I just think how that relate to others and how their mistakes being public can help others avoid those same mistakes.

So let’s get to the questions.  Do you know of any one who might be crying out for some attention without actually verbal conformation?  Are you yourself feeling like you have been neglected the attention you feel you need or require?  What relationships do you feel you have neglected and deserve more attention?

A friend and I were talking the other day about how when we take our kids to the playground that there are always other kids that want our attention.  They exclaim “hey, watch me?” or “did you know I can do this?”  We said that it was kind of annoying that they would do this but then we also wondered where their parents were.  Why weren’t the kids trying to get their own parents attention?  I saw it today while i was playing with my son at a play center in the mall.  I was standing with my son and playing with him watching him go down a slide and another boy was demanding my attention.  As I took my eyes off of both boys I looked up gazing around for this kid’s parents.  To my surprise I was the only parent standing playing with their child.  Around the out side of the play center was a comfy seating area.  Every single parent was seated and most were not even watching their kids!  They were busy talking, texting or surfing the web on their phone, or conversing with the person next to them.  Eventually the boy starved for attention left and I could focus on my son.

After we had left the mall we went home and he fell asleep.  My wife and daughter were out for the day doing pictures for their dance studio and with a friend who like to gather up for pictures (two separate photo shoots).  This being an all day event.  So now I was by myself (my son sleeping in the other room).  

Some would probably like this but I began to feel bored and lonely.  Now I was wanting attention.  I pondered what I was going to do, take a nap, watch something on the television (this would require a movie cause I don’t have cable or a converter box), read one of my many books, waste time on the internet.  Then I thought of that word “Waste”.  I don’t want to waste time (especially being the last day of the world, joking).  What can I do that is productive?  I read some of my book and wrote this blog and gave some attention to my wife.  How did I do this with her not home?  I did laundry.  I have maybe washed 25 loads of laundry in the 6 years we have been married.  It’s not that I am lazy, it is that she is so efficient.  So I showed her some attention and love by doing  a few loads of laundry while she was away.  She didn’t ask me to either.

More questions to ponder.  Are you using your time wisely?  Are you giving the people and things the attention they should be getting?  Have you told your spouse and/or kids you love them verbally or through some action, like doing laundry, today?  What are you contributing to your relationships?  How can you make sure the relationships you have are getting the attention they need?

There are many more questions that can come out of this.  If you have any that come to mind and would like to share, please do.  Any feedback, positive or negative is greatly appreciated.  I enjoy seeing things from someone else’s perspective.

Please share here or on my Facebook, and thanks for reading, i hope you get something out of this.

“Where Were You” Part 2

Posted: April 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

Something my wife is passionate about, is being there for her siblings.  She does everything in her power to support them.  Her two brothers (one brother is a Marine) play college football and her sister is a NCAA champion gymnast.  We have planned our vacations around being able to see the sporting events.

It was on this last vacation, that I detailed in part one of this blog, that it clicked why she is so insistent on “being there.”  The one word that could sum it up is, Value.

Over the last ten years that I have been with my wife (five married), she has told me many times how her Mom was always there and that it has meant so much to her.  No matter what the event was or who it was for her mom made it a point to attend.  She has seen countless football games, dance shows, and gymnastic meets.  All this to show that she truly values her children.  And that value has had an impact on my wife so much that she continues what her mom started.  I may have not been able to relate to this at first because most of the events I was involved in, I would carpool with someone else’s family and they were my support.  In my later years I did not do anything that anyone could attend, possibly because my thoughts were “why bother no one is going to show up.”  I guess I did not feel valued.

This could be the underlying reason that I have been guilty of being the typical man, so to speak.  My wife tells me of an event that my daughter is in or a birthday party that we need to attend and my first reaction is, “do I have to go?”  That could be because that was the example set before me.  My wife was a dancer and did many shows while she was in high school and she also was a cheerleader at the football games.  Her mom was at everyone that I was at. (I was there because I valued her, she was my future wife)  Her father wasn’t there very frequently.  Although he was absent from most events, he was upholding what he thought was most important, an income to pay the bills.  While this is extremely important, the value that you place on your children may be more important, not to mention the value you place on your spouse by supporting them supporting the children.

“Being there” is something that can not be duplicated in any other way.  It builds so many things in your children such as self-esteem and confidence.  There is a saying that goes, “hurt people, hurt people.”  This is a cycle that I would like to end.  As I detailed in part 1 of the blog, Peter had missed Jack’s baseball game and Jack was hurt by that.  Later while on an airplane en route for London, Jack draws a picture of the airplane crashing and draws everyone with a parachute except his dad, Peter.  This no doubt hurt Peter’s feelings but it was Peter that started the hurting by not “being there.”  I am not saying that Jack has an excuse for his actions, I am saying that Jack has a reason that his actions came to be.  It is very possible for the “hurt cycle” to be broken.

Now that I am an adult I have more of an understanding as to why I felt under valued as a child.  I believe that my parents lost sight of the fact that their children needed to be valued and not just supported with a roof over their head and food on the table.  The way I was raised was that the man went to work and the woman raised the children.  This is no longer true in our world today.  Families are so diverse that “being there” is complicated.  With most families having both parents working the mental and physical exhaustion can pay a toll on any parent giving them the thought, “do I have to go.”

I was not able to fully apreciate the cycle my mother-in-law started until recently.  Understanding how this has impacted my wife and how it is impacting my children and led me to realize, “Yes, I do have to go.”  It is not necesarrily about my enjoyment that I have to go, it is because I value my children, my wife, and others.  Where would we be without these relationships?

So what other tough questions can we ask ourselves after reading this?  Do you feel valued by your family?  Does your family feel valued by you?  What cycles are in place in your family and life?  Are there any cycles that need to be broken?  Are you able to understand what “being there” is all about?

If you have any questions that  can be added to this feel free to comment here or on facebook or in a email to me.

Thanks for reading, I hope this has made an impact.

” Where Were You” Part 1

Posted: April 17, 2011 in Family

A few people have made a comment to me that I hadn’t blogged in a while, almost two months.  One might say I was busy or distracted, but the truth is I have not made it priority.  With that in mind, I ask you to think about what you have not made a priority, that you know you should?  I have amassed a large amount of books that I want to read and that is what I have been doing, is getting back on track reading some of the books I have.  I also have been spending time with the family and went on vacation with them to Disneyland.

It was quite a different experience being my son is almost two and daughter almost four.  My daughter officially rode her first roller coaster while we were there, The Matterhorn.  She took it rather well.  She exclaimed to me after the ride was over, “Dad, the monkey scared me!”  I couldn’t do anything but laugh.  I thought for sure that the ride jostling her around and the sheer speed of the ride is what would scare her but no, it was the animatronic abominable snowman that frightened her.

That experience with her and that moment when the ride ended, I will treasure for the rest of my life.  I hope that she will also. 

It was also during this vacation that I was reading a book entitled ReCreate: Building a Culture in Your Home Stronger Than The Culture Deceiving Your Kids.  There was a chapter in the book entitled “Your Kids Trump Your Career and Ministry” that went along with my very experience at Disneyland.  Author Ron Luce depicts his own family vacation to Walt Disney World.  His kids and wife are very excited and as they are walking through the hotel lobby he receives a phone call and on the other end is a friend offering Ron an opportunity to meet with the President of the United States of America for two hours.  He respectful declines and states, “There may or may not be another opportunity to meet the president, but there would never be another opportunity to raise my kids.”  He says that his family would have told him to go and that they would have forgiven him.  He says later in the chapter, “When my wife told the kids that I chose to spend time with them over meeting the president, there is no amount of preaching or saying ‘I love you’ that could possibly compare with the value they felt at that moment.”  Wow, how does that make you feel thinking about that?  His kids know that their Dad values them greatly.  Ron brings up an important point after describing this experience, decide in advance.  In other words, what you decide before hand you can not change afterwards.  If you decide that you are going to your kid’s event and an important work meeting comes up, the meeting needs to be rescheduled.

It was this book and that chapter that reminded me of a scene from Steven Spielberg‘s 1991 production of Hook, in which Peter Banning, played by Robin Williams,  attends his daughters school play.  During the play his cell phone rings and disrespecting the audience and everyone else in the auditorium takes the call.  During the call he sets up a work meeting for the next day and Peter’s son Jack, sitting next to him holding a baseball mitt and ball, interrupts exclaiming “Dad my game, you promised.”  Peter says in to the phone “We will make it a short meeting,” then leaning over to Jack,”I will be there my word is my bond.”  The next day Jack, his Mom and sister are at the game while Peter is running late at work.  He sends someone from his office to video tape the game, whatever it is that he might miss.  Jack comes up to bat at the end of the game and turns to see if his dad is there to see him and instead sees the guy with the camcorder.  Jack then shows an obvious display of disappointment.  His coach refocuses him on the fact that he is up to bat and the game is on the line.  The pitch, the swing, “strike three” the umpire yells and the game is over and Jack seems heart-broken.  You see Peter had decided in advance that his meeting was to take precedent over his son’s baseball game.  Later in the movie Peter realizes his mistake and vows to put his kids and family over work.

What deserves priority over your family?  What have you been giving priority to over your family?  Do you decide in advance?  Do you change your mind when you shouldn’t?  Does your spouse know how much they are valued?  Do your children know how much they are valued?  How can you make it a point that they know?

This is how I will end part 1 of this blog.  Ponder these questions and please leave comments here or on Facebook.  Look for part 2 to come out within a week.

“Divorce spurs 11 year-old”

Posted: February 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

I am not a fan of divorce.  I absolutely despise the idea.  But it has turned out to be somewhat fortunate for one girl.  I found an article about an eleven year-old girl named Megan, who has started her own clothing line entitled “Love Gone Apparel.”  She states in the article that her parents divorce inspired the name for the line.  “When my parents got divorced their love was gone for each other,” she explains.  While I think the name is neat and catchy, I was a little perplexed that she says that her parents love for each other was gone, as if it dissipated.

Does love just disappear?  Is it something that starts as a full tank and then just runs out, like a tank of gas?  Can you not refill it?  And if it is gone where does it go to?  Do people “fall out of love,” and if so where do they land?  There are many questions everyone has about this thing called love.  We throw the word “love” around in our daily lives.  We say things like “I love ice cream,” or ” I love the way that looks on me,”  or   ”I would love to do that someday.”  And of course there is the “I Love You.”  But what do we really mean when we say that?  And if you can say that once, shouldn’t you be able to say it again to that person until the end of time?  Some may think not.  What seems to be, is that people don’t realize that you have to work at love.  It not just something that happens.

Think about it, on a first date does it matter how one acts?  Of course it does, they are trying to make an impression on one another.  They will dress, act and do a certain things to make what they believe is a good impression, so that there is a second date.  If more dates are to follow eventually come the “I love you.”  So what make us say that to another person?  What do we love?  By this stage it is not things the other is doing it is them as a whole, we love them for who they are.  So then after marriage what happens to love?

This is a question Gary Chapman addresses in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.  He says it is because we stop speaking the other persons love language that the other does not feel loved anymore.  So what is your love language?  What makes you feel loved?  Does your significant other know?  I urge you to find out and discover what it is and what your spouse’s is.  If you have not read this book, please do.  It is amazing to see love in a whole new light.

One thing is for sure, Megan’s mom loves her.  She is the one who has helped her start the clothing line and continues to help her move it to the next level.  Megan may have a wrong perception of love, but then again most people do when they go from what is portrayed in a marriage that succumbs to divorce.

This is the link to the article I read about Megan.

http://smallbusiness.aol.com/2011/02/24/how-an-11-year-old-entrepreneur-crashed-the-oscars/?icid=main%7Chtmlws-sb-n%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%7C203578

M.A.D. on Valentine’s

Posted: February 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

Child Giving Red Rose Child giving aHeart Shaped BoxRainbow roses are real roses,

Valentine’s Day is the one day  that everyone is supposed to recognize love.  So why get mad?  For a long time now I have disliked Valentine’s day.  That is because of my viewpoint that we were signifying that we should only celebrate love on only this day, and my belief is that we should celebrate every day.  Notice how roses and all the normal things that we would give as gifts go up in price around this day.  It has become very commercialized and it seems as if Hallmark created this day to make money (not that they had anything to do with it). 

I have recently changed my view.  Instead of just celebrating love we need to go M.A.D. on Valentine’s day.  What in the world am I saying?  Well let me first tell you that a radio station I listed to, called KLOVE started this thing called “Make A Difference Monday”, which is them saying let’s start the week by doing something to make a positive difference in someone’s life.  So I got the idea that since Monday happens to be Valentine’s Day we all should strive to not just love but to “Make A Difference,” or as some may put it “Go M.A.D.”.

My wife actually helped build this idea in my head.  She use to work in the kids club at our gym and she had a co-worker there who was going through a divorce.  She was also quite unhappy with work.  Well we frequent the gym where her ex-co-worker watches our kids while we work out.  My wife said that we should have our one-year-old son give her a rose on Valentine’s Day.  I thought it was a great idea and a great way to make a difference.  So much so that we did it this friday instead.  When our son walked in and gave her the rose she lit up with a smile and no doubt she felt warm inside and loved.  Our daughter also gave her a valentine card.  She then thanked all of us and gave us hugs.  No doubt we all felt warm inside.  It was truely the highlight of my day to help make a difference in her life.

So with this story in mind, what can you do to go M.A.D. on Valentine’s Day?  Who is someone you know that needs to know that they are loved?  How can you make a difference in their life?

Also on a side note Valentine’s Day is the last day of “National Marriage Week” and the first day of “Random Act of Kindness Week.”  Show your love to your family and to all you encounter, Love is truely who we are.

Here are some links you might be interested in,

http://www.klove.com/promodetails.aspx?i=5516

http://www.nationalmarriageweekusa.org/

http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/

Aaron VS. Ben

Posted: January 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

Many of you know I am a Dallas Cowboys fan.  Yeah, Yeah, go ahead and make your fun.  Dallas had a rough year for many reasons, but that is another story.  Being a Dallas fan it is hard to see two of their biggest rivals playing on their field for a ring.  The Steelers are a team I love to dislike (not hate).  They are quickly taking the Cowboys records away from them.  Until Super Bowl XLIII there was a 3 way tie for most wins between the 49ers, Steelers and the Cowboys.  And now with this trip to the big game they have tied Dallas for most appearances in the Super Bowl.  So naturally I am rooting for the Packers.  And there is just something about Aaron Rodgers.

But before we talk about Mr. Rodgers, let us begin with Ben.  Most of us probably remember him being in the news for his motorcycle accident back in 2006.  But more recent was the sexual assault allegations.  Rather he did commit the crimes or not is not the issue I wish to talk about.   He did however in my opinion respond to the adversity.  After serving a four game suspension, he led them to the number two seed of the AFC and in to the Super Bowl.  He put the incidents behind him.

Rothlisberger has had to deal with adversity in his past, before the fame of football.  When he was only two, his parents divorced.  Six years later he lost his mother in a car accident.  She was on her way to pick him up for the weekend.  His natural thought might have been, “If she wasn’t coming to pick me up she might still be here.”  Whether he thought that or not it is still difficult to go on after losing your mother.  “Anytime you’re a kid and your parent passes, it’s tough,” Ben stated during Super Bowl XL media day in Detroit. “I was truly blessed to have my father and stepmom, who I call ‘Mom’ now, to be there loving me.”

Aaron Rodgers, like me, is from California, so that’s good right there to start off.  He has the lowest percentage of interceptions in the NFL.  He holds multiple records.  What do we know about Aaron’s personal life?  I first became intrigued at this question when a friend told me he was a “Christian.”  I have found this to be true.  In an article I found on Athletes In Action, Rodgers stated, “I grew up knowing what a stable relationship was by my parents’ example and how it centered on Christ.  When our family had its ups and downs, I knew my parents relied on God for everything and He always got us through those rough spots.”  Aaron didn’t have to deal with the same kind of things Ben did but I am sure he encountered a different kind of adversity.

Ben has accomplished a great deal in his 28 years.  He is a two time winner of the Super Bowl, and he holds many NFL records.  What I hope he realizes what he can do with his celebrity status.  The public doesn’t have the greatest perception of him and now would be the time to turn it around off the field.  Michael Vick has dealt with some similar issues and it appears if he has rebounded.  Vick had a great deal of support behind him.  Rothlisberger should find something he can stand for and fight for.  Like that of future NFL hall of famer Kurt Warner.  Kurt made it know to the world that he is a devout Christian and started the First Things First Foundation.

Whoever wins the big game this upcoming Sunday, let’s pray for Ben, Aaron and all members of the NFL, that they may impact this world in a positive way.  That they may use their status to instill good values on the people and children who see them as a hero.  May God be with both teams Sunday night.

“Why did you do that?  What are you stupid?”  Very harsh words, but I actually heard a father say this to his child.  Can you imagine what this did to the young child? 

Studies show that the relationships children have between their parents are the most important they have.  Children draw more from their parents than any other individual or groups.  So to have your own dad ask you if you are stupid is so completely destructive to the child.  The child may start thinking,” Well dad thinks I am stupid, so maybe I am.”  This child could grow up to be self hating and have a complete lack of self-esteem.

I think we can all agree that growing up is not easy.  Some of us never grow up, and that is not necessarily a bad thing in some cases.  But too often in life parents spend their time with their children beating them down.  Our job as parents is to build-up our children.  We tend to only focus on the negative than the positive.

For example,  a book that I am reading entitled Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child, highlights a story of a child’s struggle to stay in bed at night when it is time for bed.  The parents were focusing on the opposite, which was the getting out of bed rather than the staying in bed.  You see the getting out of bed was the negative and the staying in bed was the positive.  Once the parents changed their focus and placed it on the positive they were able to produce positive results.

If we as parents don’t help our children dream, how can they dream on their own?  Remember when you were younger and anything was possible?  And then someone would come along and say you can’t do that, that is impossible (or something to those regards) and just destroy your whole dream.  Then you would stop dreaming that, and defeat yourself.  If all parents would just continue to grow the imagination of their children and say, “anything you put your mind to you can accomplish,” what would our world look like then?

Picture our children going to school and rubbing off on other children.  Don’t you want the kind of kid that is going to build-up someone else?  My wife is a school teacher and I know how happy she would be if a child came up to her and said, “thanks for teaching us that today.”  She would be all warm and fuzzy inside.  And then she would come home happy and all that would transcend into the evening as we spend our family time together.

So this message is not entirely focused on children but on all that we encounter throughout the day.  Let’s build-up each other.  If someone does something “not so smart,” find the positive.  Just as a battery has a positive and a negative so does every situation.  It all depends on how you look at it.  Where is your focus?   Positive or Negative?

“Be Epic”

Posted: January 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

          

The post season is here for football.  This last Sunday featured a game that was surrounded with a great deal of hype.  Michael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles faced Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.

Michael Vick, before the game, received an autograph jersey from an NBA player he admires. One with five Championship rings, Kobe Bryant.  Bryant signed his name and wrote “To Mike,” “Be Epic.”  Vick had a great amount of support behind him.  But unfortunately his late rally in the fourth quarter did not pay dividends and the Eagles fell to the mighty Packers.

So with that being the last NFL game of the weekend, fans began to look toward something else that was shaping up to be quite epic, the BCS championship game between (#1) Auburn and (#2) Oregon.

Oregon is the only Pac-10 team to reach the BCS title game other than USC, and Auburn hasn’t been to a title game since 1957.  So, this had all the makings of what fans were wanting, an epic game.

What a thriller it was.  With the score still o-o in the beginning of the second quarter, it was still anyones game.  Oregon was the first to strike but could only manage a field goal.  Newton answered back driving the field and throwing a 35 yard touchdown pass to Kodi Burns.  Darron Thomas and LaMichael James then came back with an Oregon touchdown, giving the ducks a 11-7 lead after a 2-point conversion.

Auburn then drove the field only to turn the ball over on downs on the goal line.  But it paid off for the Tigers when they capitalized with a safety.  Cam then threw a 30 yard TD pass to Emory Blake and the score at half time was Tigers 16, Ducks 11.

The real thrills came in the fourth quarter with five minutes to go when Cam Newton attempted to run with the ball only to have the ball striped by Casey Matthews and recovered by Oregon’s Cliff Harris.  Auburn was leading 19-11 and the Ducks got the ball on the Tigers 40 yard line.  Then Thomas and James hooked up again for another TD.  Oregon then tied it with their second 2-point conversion with 2:33 left in the game.

Now came the time to be epic.  Newton and freshman running back Michael Dyer then took the ball 73 yards and it appeared Dyer made it in the endzone.  But after review the ball was rulled down at the 1 with 10 seconds left.  After an attempt by Cam to drive it into the endzone Auburn brought in their feild goal unit and won the game on a Wes Byrum, 19 yard field goal. Epic?

Now we should all take Kobe’s challenge to Vick, BE EPIC!  You say “but I am not on any sports team.”  That may be true, but a family is like a team, and every team needs a hero. 

Webster’s  defines epic as ” extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope,” or “heroic.”  So start searching for a way that you can fullfill that role within your family.  I know that the greatest feeling I have in the world is when my kids see me as their hero.  Though they are only 1 and 3, I know I am epic to them.  Now my job is to keep it that way and one of the best ways I know how to do this is to be there for them and provide moments for them.  Moments they will surely treasure.

Singer and songwriter, Jonah Werner, has a song entitled “Just Like You” were he details his dad.  His father is just that a daddy. The chorus goes like this:”I wanna be like you.  I wanna be somebody, I wanna be somebody just like you.”  And that is all I dream of, my kids signing this and meaning it about me.

How can you be epic?  Know that you don’t have to be some great athlete to take this challenge.  All you have to be is, up to the challenge and you can make it happen.

                                                                 

Make Goals, Meet Resolutions

Posted: December 31, 2010 in Uncategorized

With the new year upon us, many will make a resolution.  But as I strolled into my gym today I came across a sign that said “Make Goals, Meet Resolutions.”

When we say we are making a resolution we are committing to changing a habit.  Like I am going to lose weight this year.  Something we don’t like about what we are currently doing.  Resolve is the root of the word resolution, and Webster’s defines it ” to reach a firm decision about.”  I am going to do this!  Problem is we don’t think it that way. We think I am going to try to stop drinking soda, or I am gonna attempt to quit smoking.

If we think to ourself I am going to make it a goal, does our mindset change?  I think so.  One reason is when you set a goal there is an end in sight.  I am gonna lose 20 pounds and workout three times a week for an hour and a half.  It also helps to be more specific when you are setting goals.  It makes your brain believe it is achievable.

The sign made me wonder, when we create a resolutions, should we also be creating goals to accompany it, therefore improving the odds of actually completing our resolution for the year?  You see when we focus on the year part rather than breaking it down and just try getting through the first day or week we decrease our own mental ability in actually following through.

Les Parrot & Neil Clark Warren author a book entitled Love The Life You Live.  In this book they point out that our self talk is a main factor in what we accomplish.  So if we set a resolution to quit drinking soda, but we talk to ourselves saying “I will never be able to do that, I get caffeine headaches or I need the sugar,” are we making the goal believable?  Not a chance, but if we make ourself conscious of our self talk and can say this is not true and say “you can do it,” in the great words of Rob Schneider, that goal is attainable.

When we think new years resolution we are thinking of maintaining that for a whole year.  So let us make goals for the year, but let’s make goals for the hour, the day, the week, the month that build us up to the yearly goal.  One thing that will also improve our odds of accomplishing our goal is actually writing them down.  Maybe even post it in multiple places.

So, whatever you plan for 2011, move forward this year with making multiple goals.  Find an end to your goals to know that it can be attained.  Meaning, don’t generalize saying something like “I am going to lose weight.”  One pound is a loss of weight, but hardly and end to that resolution.  Say instead that you will lose 20 pounds.  By placing a specific number on it you have now created an end.

I leave you with this, in whatever goals, resolutions, or changes you want for the new year know that God says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This is my point of view, whats yours?  Any feedback would be appreciated.  Post a comment here or on my Facebook page.  Your thoughts are highly valued.

More posts coming in the new year on goals.